To start, I want to say that I am a very reluctant homeschooler. I grew up loving school and think that I had a very good education for the most part. I didn't hear much about homeschooling as a child/teenager, I don't really think I knew it existed. My mom was a stay at home mom and gave us three girls tons of love and a good solid biblical grounding.
I met my husband, Tim, when I was in Grade 12. We fell hard and fast for each other and knew fairly early on that we would be together forever. We regularly talked about our future and our kids and our hopes and dreams for being missionaries or in some type of full time ministry. Tim was not raised in a Christian home and only came to know the Lord within the year before we began dating. He very often expressed to me that he did not want to raise his kids the same way that he was raised. He wanted our home to be a home that was completely centered on Christ. He brought up the subject of homeschooling and at the time I didn't know much about it or even what it involved. I am a fairly passive person and tend to latch on to the ideas of others quite easily. It seemed like a great option and so I agreed, at the time, that it was my desire as well. Fast forward many years later and we were married in 2001 and our first son, Nate, was born in 2004. At that time I was working as a Lab Tech in Michigan and the maternity leave was only 6 weeks long. After much discussion, we decided that I would only return to work on a casual basis and only when my husband or a family member was available to watch our son, so that he would not be raised by someone else. I remained a stay at home mom until a few months after we moved to Yellowknife, NT in December 2007. By this time our second son, Caleb, had come along and was just shy of his first birthday. The day to day grind of being home with two small boys and in a new city where I didn't know anyone, and the financial hardships of living in Yellowknife on one income, was really getting to me. I applied for a job at the hospital and was hired pretty much on the spot. Our boys went to daycare for the first time ever. Nate went to a Montessori preschool (he was 3 years old) and Caleb was cared for by our pastor's wife in their "dayhome". I've always enjoyed my job and got into the swing of things and really loved it once again. And then our pastor's wife decided to close her dayhome. We went through a series of bad experiences with other dayhomes and finally were a little bit at ease when Caleb was put in a daycare operated by the Pentecostal church in town. When Nate started Montessori kindergarden, we put Caleb in the Montessorri preschool program. It went fairly well but when our daughter Caitlin was born in January 2010, we pulled Caleb out of preschool to be home with me during my mat leave, while the Nate stayed at Montessori kindergarden. Then Nate started acting out at school. At this point, my husband reminded me of all of the discussions we had about homeschooling our kids. Unfortunately, when I took my maternity leave, I signed a document saying that I had to return to work for 1 year after my maternity leave was up or else I would have to pay back the "top up" mat leave salary I was paid. I had no choice but to go back to work since the money was long since spent and gone. Tim was unhappy in his job as an engineer (always has and always will be) and begged of me to let him come home and be the homeschool parent/teacher. We agreed and starting looking at curriculum. I went back to work early and Tim took the rest of the parental leave from the government and quit his job. I have to admit that once again, I really didn't feel like it was the right thing to do, but he was so passionate about it that I decided to give it a try.
Well that year (our eldest son's grade one year) did not go at all as I had expected. Tim really struggled with being at home and keeping up with the day to day busy-ness of the kids and combined with a spiritual low point in his life, he did not acheive the success in homeschooling that he desired. Finances were tight and after one year of complete unhappiness on everyone's part, the kids were re-enrolled in school for the next year (grade 2, pre-kindergarden and a dayhome). Later that year we decided that it was time to move back to Ontario to be closer to family. My dad had been in and out of the hospital the whole time we were in Yellowknife with cancer and a genetic liver disease. We decided that we'd rather be closer to "home" to make the most of the time we have left with our parents, however long that may be. Tim found a job in Toronto and we planned the move back. The move happened at the beginning of April 2012. After many long discussions, we decided that instead of enrolling the kids in a new school, at almost the end of the school year, we would give homeschooling another chance, this time with me as the homeschool parent/teacher. And I have been struggling with it every day since. Although I agree completely with all of the reasons that homeschool is far superior to public school, I still feel like the public system is adequate and that I am inadequate. I am surrounded by fear. Fear of failing, fear of not being what the kids need me to be. This past week, since public school has started up again and its dawned on me that I could be sending the kids to school now, my husband and I have had many discussions about whether or not to continue with homeschooling. I am frustrated after almost six months of push back from the boys not wanting to do any work and feel like I am at my limit. My husband is still firm in his belief that homeschooling is the best plan for our family. So I'm giving it another go. This time I am putting all in. Until now it has not been a full 100% effort. I've always had in my mind that I don't want to do this and harbored resentment towards my husband for "making" me do it (which in reality isn't true...I have always had the option to say no). I haven't put the work into it that is required and as a result have not seen the rewards that come along with it. I've finally decided that I need to give this a fair shot. I need to put myself and my fears of inadequacy behind me and push forward. With God's help and my husband's, I know that we can do this and that it will be a huge blessing. I know that if I am faithful at this, God will be faithful to guide us in the right direction with curriculum and activities, and all of those other things that I'm scared about.
So we are on day two of "ALL IN". And it has been a struggle still, which I expected. I'm just hoping that has time goes by, it will become more of a routine, and less struggle and more just enjoying being with one other and learning together. I have to admit that I'm already seeing small glimpses of that. For example, we were working on a Bible craft today and Nate exclaimed "this is FUN! I mean really FUN!", with a huge smile on his face. I love seeing him enjoy being crafty and learning about God at the same time. I wouldn't have that opportunity if he were in school.
So I am hoping for some calm in the midst of crazy, as I've titled this blog. I'm optimistic that our family of energetic, crazy little monkeys will learn to love to learn and that my grounding will be in my God and that He will be faithful to keep me calm in the midst of it all...
Here are some pics (ignore the pathetic cell phone quality) of our successes from "Day two":
.JPG)
Our pile of library books, including a bee book that Caleb chose and sat down right in the middle of the aisle of library and began to look through. He didn't want to wait to get home to read it. LOVE IT!!!
.JPG)
One page from Caleb's "Parable of the Sower" mini book craft that the boys had so much fun creating!
No comments:
Post a Comment